Throuples are also appearing more in popular culture. Films like Passages (2023) and Challengers (2024) explore three-person dynamics.
HBO’s DTF St Louis features a suburbanite who tries to develop feelings for his wife’s lover to form a throuple.
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But there is a growing backlash. Research suggests younger generations are turning away from polyamory.
A Kinsey Institute analysis found that 81% of gen Z fantasise about monogamy.
The Challenges of Three
Being happily polyamorous requires patience and thoughtfulness. Throuples demand even more emotional maturity.
In the polyamory guidebook The Ethical Slut, authors warn that lovers in a triad can compete for affection like “siblings in a family”.
In Priscilla’s throuple, the dynamic shifted. Initially, Priscilla and Olivia were closer, and Kiara felt excluded.
She discovered they had sex while she was at work, which broke trust. Later, Kiara and Olivia became the closer pair, leaving Priscilla feeling left out.
Alissa, 50, experienced a similar power-flip. After 21 years of marriage, her husband Rob revealed he was bisexual.
They met Michael, 33, and began a throuple. Alissa worried Michael was only interested in Rob, but later she and Michael developed an intense bond.
Rob felt threatened and had a panic attack when they kissed in bed. Michael eventually left because he couldn’t stand the infighting.
“I was madly in love with this guy,” Rob said. “Head over heels.”
He felt rejected by Michael, who had texted Alissa about being with her if Rob died.
“If something were to happen to you, Alissa, I couldn't picture carrying on a relationship with him,” Michael had written.
When a throuple works, the love feels exponential. “Having him as part of our equation, I could love her 150% and him 150%,” Rob said.
But when it breaks down, the rejection is also exponential. Alissa and Rob’s marriage survived, but barely.
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“I was pissed because I had this little tiny seedling that I didn't even want in the first place and I gave it all the sunlight and all the water, and then when it started to grow Rob was ready to end it,” Alissa said.
