"It was like, 'I can't disappoint her, I can't go to hell, this can't be.' It was not acceptable."
She utilized perfectionism to cope through middle school, focusing heavily on grades and talent shows to gain approval from her mother, who worked as a teacher.
"When I woke up and I wasn't dead, I [decided] I'm just gonna bury everything, and I'm gonna be perfect," Cox said.
"I shoved every feeling, everything down."
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The constant effort to maintain a flawless public persona created a heavy emotional toll that persisted well into her twenties.
"That'll be my identity, I'll be the smart kid. I'll keep doing my talent shows.
I will be a straight-A student. I will be National Junior Honor Society.
I will be perfect, and I will be really focused on being successful, so I can get out of Alabama," Cox recalled.
"And then because my mother was a teacher, I felt like she would love me if I was a good student, if I didn't cause any problems."
Kotb observed the immense strain that such continuous perfectionism must have required.
"Exhausting is exactly the right word," Cox said.
"You're second-guessing yourself, you're constantly running things through a filter."
Turning Point and Healing
The turning point in her recovery occurred when she entered group therapy, where sharing her personal narrative allowed her to process her past.
"I was walking around feeling like I was a mistake, and that if people knew the truth about me, that I'm not lovable, that who I am authentically is not lovable," Cox said.
Support from other members in the therapy group provided the validation necessary to reshape her self-perception.
"Through telling those stories and being greeted with empathy... I was able to let that go," Cox said.
"I had to allow myself, once I felt safe, to be seen... and not have people turn away."
Cox has compiled her experiences into a forthcoming memoir titled "Transcendent" to share the lessons learned from her recovery.
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"I actually love myself now," Cox said.
