A mother writes that she never really wanted children, possibly due to her traumatic childhood.
She decided to have a son after her husband talked about it, and she embraced motherhood fully.
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Now in his late 20s, her son is warm at times but also cold and aloof.
He once said he felt pressure from being the focus of attention, and he has mentioned moving abroad or not living with her.
The mother admits she does not demand constant contact, but she still feels hurt. She fantasizes about an ideal son who wants to spend more time with her.
A psychologist, Dr Stephen Blumenthal, suggests she may be overcompensating for her initial reluctance to have children.
He explains that when people feel guilty for negative feelings, they sometimes embrace the opposite to compensate.
Letting go and building your own life
Blumenthal advises that one of the most helpful things parents can do for adult children is to let them know they are there for them but can live without them.
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This way, children do not feel responsible for their parents' happiness.
The son needs to feel his parents are strong enough together and have a sustaining relationship that does not require his presence.
The mother is encouraged to invest in her own life as a person, away from being a mother.
This would take pressure off her son to fill emotional gaps.
She is also advised to face the loss she feels and talk to her husband, a friend, or a therapist.
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By growing her own life, she can sustain herself and allow her son to live his own.
