While all the main actors are still around, I think we could shave off some production costs by having AI generate 10 episodes.
Sure, most of the renders would look terrible; half the cast would come out of the generation with extra fingers or soulless, dead eyes.
The dialogue would be worse, the stories would be cliche fan service, and it would signal the inevitable end of human creativity, but at least we could finally get all the characters to kiss at the end like we really wanted.
If we're trying to be patriotic and give back to our beautiful nation, the best thing we can do is finally make something with the billions of dollars that have been invested into artificial intelligence.
We'd put most of the film industry out of work, but omelettes require broken eggs.
Whatever we do this weekend to acknowledge the unceasing passage of time, it should honor the spirit of the country.
A fair no one goes to and fencing around a national monument does feel in line with the moribund vibe of the United States, but more can and should be done.
With that in mind, I'm going to celebrate both America's birthday and mine appropriately.
I'm getting a 30-pack of beer, locking my door, binging some Theo Von podcasts, and dumping my life savings into a Kalshi bet that Donald Trump dances to YMCA at the end of his speech.
With any luck, by the conclusion of my drinking-and-gambling binge, all my problems will magically go away.
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Hiding, irrational optimism, and terrible financial decisions. That's America.
